


Parenthood

by dannihowell (iguessicantry)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Infertility, M/M, YouTubers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 16:59:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7626631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iguessicantry/pseuds/dannihowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>follow me on tumblr<br/><a href="https://danni-howell.tumblr.com/">dannihowell</a></p></blockquote>





	Parenthood

There are things that Dan loves. He loves his husband and mate, Phil. That’s obvious. He loves making videos when he can finally think of an idea. He loves sleeping in late and summer days that are so cool that you don’t need to run a fan at all.

There are things Dan hates as well. He hates bugs and spiders, butterflies and bees. He hates it when Phil’s gone away for much longer than he said. He hates going to the shops or the park because the others know. They can sense it on him. It’s like a scent or a sign plastered right about his eyes. He’s childless and at his age, that’s a crime against nature for other omegas.

And the saddest thing about it is that he wants a child. He wants to have a baby with the love of his life and share the experience of parenthood with Phil. Dan wants nothing more than late nights and dirty bottles.

They’ve been married for seven years and everyone’s starting to look at him differently. Even the fans judge him. They ask the same old questions and leave the same old comments on his videos. Dan gets about a dozen asks a day that say things like ‘I want to get bonded but what if I can’t have kids? Will my mate hate me? How does Phil treat you?’ and it is more than a bit invasive. Dan would like to say how much their comments and question hurt him on a level that is unimaginable. Do they know the inner struggle he feels with his own body to do what he was made to do? He’s an omega. Omega bring new life into the world. But Dan Howell-Lester cannot.

The fans may be bad but the family is even worse. A holiday weekend cannot go by without an in-law, a sibling or a cousin asking him, “When are you going to have kids? Soon I hope.” Dan nods and Phil takes over. He tells them lightly, “We’ll have a baby when we’re ready.” That’s a reasonable response and the little crowd of Lesters or Howells always chuckles and waves them off.

But Dan can see his mother-in-law say something under her breath to her sister. He feels that she’s saying something like ‘I knew this marriage was a mistake.’ Dan can feel her gaze on him and the judgment piercing his skin.

Phil sits him down more than once to discuss this, the problems they’re having. Dan holds it in for a bit but the tears eventually come. He’s feeling overwhelmed and stressed about this. His whole identity is, unfortunately, tied to his gender. Having children is what he is meant to do. The old adage says the alpha gives protection but for the creation of life, the omega are the selection. Dan feels like less of an omega, less of a person and he feels like he’s letting Phil down.

Phil replies, without pause, “I love you, Dan. Nothing can change that.”

It’s comforting for a few days to know that Phil will always love him but then Dan watches a daytime talk show. The topic is ‘My Omega is useless! I want a divorce.’ Dan can’t take his eyes away. The alpha on stage is ranting to the very convinced audience that his omega never cooks, cleans, or gives his mate what he needs in the bedroom. Dan dismisses all of that because those are stupid reasons to come on television. But then the alpha says, “We haven’t had any children! How am I supposed to feel like an alpha without children to show? Everyone looks at me like I’m the infertile one!”

Dan thinks, ‘Do people look at Phil like that? Does Phil ever feel like less of an alpha?’

The studio audience boos the alpha and for that, Dan is grateful.

A month later, Phil’s sister has a baby. Dan and Phil both go to the hospital to visit the omega and baby. It’s a girl. She’s 6 pounds, 4 ounces and healthy. Dan sees that she has brown hair and blue eyes like Phil’s. She is called Nadine and Dan can’t take his eyes off her. Their daughter would look like this, he thinks.

Later that night, he rides Phil until his knot is deep inside him. The next day, Phil has bruises on his neck and marks where Dan held onto his shoulders. During his live show, the fans ask if Dan was in heat or something. Phil smiles smugly and Dan marks another day on the calendar.

His heat does come later in the month and this time Dan is more than prepared. Their lovemaking reaches its limit and they’re both passed out by the third day. Phil covers him in tender kisses when they wake and tells him how much he loves him, no matter what. No matter what…

A year passes.

Dan doesn’t look into strollers anymore to peer at sweet little faces. He keeps walking. When his friend brings her baby over, his heart hurts a little. There’s envy and jealousy. There’s also mourning for something he never had but always felt.

Dan’s videos become shorter and shorter. His viewership never falters and he feels so incredibly blessed.

Their niece turns one so the whole family gets together for the party. Dan begs Phil to let him stay home. Phil uses his alpha voice and Dan pouts all the way there like a five-year-old. Why couldn’t Phil understand how he felt? Everyone knows how terrible of a mate he is. He can’t have children and therefore… What doesn’t he understand?

Dan is on his way to the bathroom when he overhears Phil’s mother telling Phil’s sister, “He is no good for my son! Do you see how he comes in here and acts like nothing is wrong? It’s been eight years. If Phil stays with him, he will never know happiness. God, I don’t know what my life would be like without you kids.”

When Dan returns to the living room, flustered and tearful, and tells Phil what he’s heard, they leave. The ride home is Dan’s quiet sniffling and Phil’s angry muttering under his breath. “You are mine! I love you. Dan, before you I didn’t know what happiness really was. How could she say something like that? How does she know it’s not my fault? What if I’m the reason why we can’t get pregnant?”

For some odd reason, the thought never crossed Dan’s mind.

It takes a week to get the results back from the fertility specialist. Dan has stopped producing the necessary hormones to become pregnant. Hormone therapy will do more harm than good.

He tries it for six months. The headaches, mood swings and weight gain are terrible. The test _still_ come back negative.

It is election season in the UK. Abortion and Omega rights are hot topics. Dan can’t listen to the radio or watch the telly for too long. He no longer knows where he stands on the topic. The thought of some other lucky omega being able to have a child and just give it up makes him sick. He knows he’s being unreasonable. He knows that not everyone planned to get pregnant, like him and Phil. Not everyone is at a great age to have a family or have the same stability they do. Not everyone is in love with their partner like he is. Not everyone had a choice in getting pregnant. Dan knows all of this but he’s been wanting this for so long that he’s become unreasonable. He lashes out at everyone. His first victims are the fans.

Somehow _#phanbabynames_ trends worldwide and he can’t take it. How dare they mock him! How dare they take something so personal to him and Phil and make fun of it. There are so many mentions and Dan finally tells the world, ‘You have no respect for me or Phil. I’m so disgusted with what I have seen today. This is something very personal to us and you all know that. We share some much with you. I am so deeply hurt.’

Next is Phil. He comes into the bedroom and immediately starts kissing Dan all over, murmuring beautiful hints in his ear. “I love you… Beautiful… My Omega… Baby, you’re so–,”

“Why’d you call me that?”

“What?” Phil asks, still kissing Dan’s neck.

“Baby. Why’d you call me that? Are you trying to say something?”

“No, Dan. I always call you baby.”

“No, you don’t! Phil, you never call me that!” Dan pushes Phil away and jumps off the bed.

“Dan? What do you mean? What’s wrong? I call you love and sweet and baby.”

“You’re trying to make me feel bad!” Dan shouts back. “It’s all my fault. You don’t need to remind me!”

“Babe—Dan, sit down.”

“No.” Dan grabs his jeans and gets dressed. “I’m going for a walk. Don’t follow me.”

On his walk, Dan passes a little shop that sells baby things. He stops at the glass and peers inside before deciding to enter. The shop is near empty except the elderly clerk.

“Hello. Can I help you dear?” she says. She’s short and wide. She has to be someone's grandmother, Dan thinks. She’d make a good grandma.

Dan shakes his head no.

“Do you have any little ones?” she asks. He shakes his head again.

“Oh,” she nods. “Trying are you?”

“Yeah.”

“I tried for a long time myself. That was very long time ago as you can imagine.”

Dan feels better knowing they share something in common. “How long?”

“Oh about five years. Back then they didn’t have all these tests and things to tell you what was wrong so you just had to try. But boy did my mate and I have fun trying,” she says with a chuckle. “Turns out she didn’t have enough of what I needed and my own body was just hard to work with.”

Dan finds it interesting that she owns a shop that caters to newborns and infants but says nothing.

“I know what you’re thinking. What am I doing with a baby shop?”

“No… Yes,” Dan smiles.

“I do have a child. Two in fact. A boy and a girl.”

Dan is obviously confused. “You said you and your mate—how?”

“When my sister died suddenly, leaving behind a set of newborn twins, we adopted them. Yes, our family had a tragic start but that is how life is sometimes. You take what you’re given and make the most of it.”

Adoption is very rare and usually done among families which is why Dan never considered it before. What if they adopted an alpha? That certainly could not end well.

“They’re grown up now and I have thirteen grandchildren,” she says with a wink. “Busy bees they are.”

Dan smiles.

“So love, do you see anything you’d like to start off your nursery?”

Dan spots a floppy bunny rabbit with a green bowtie and silly look on his face that he thinks is perfect. He picks it up and carries it over to the cashier register.

“I forgot my wallet at home,” he says after his checks his pocket. He did storm out of the house earlier with no intention of shopping.

She smiles and gives the bunny to him. “It’s a baby shower gift from Auntie Mary,” she says softly like she was sharing a secret.

Dan mutters her name to himself a few times so he won’t forget it. He doesn’t want to forget her.

“Thank you,” he says.

“Make sure you come back! I want to see that baby of yours when they get here!”

Dan laughs because he was right. She makes an amazing grandmother.

Phil is pacing the flat when he gets home. Dan cuddles the bunny to his chest and stands up against the front door wanting to avoid the upcoming conversation.

“Where did you go?” Phil asks concerned.

“Just a few blocks down the street.”

“Don’t do that again! I was worried sick. I have to protect you, Dan!”

Dan nods because he understands Phil’s biological need to see that Dan is never hurt or sad.

“I met this lady and she has this shop that sells baby stuff and look what I got, Phil,“ Dan says, holding up the bunny. "First thing to go in the nursery.”

Phil sits him down on their sofa and takes the bunny in hand before setting it down out of sight. He looks apprehensive and the way his eyes look say that something terrible is going to happen or already has.

“I think we should think about stopping the treatments and maybe just accept that we can’t have kids of our own.”

The words hit like hail in a tornado, painful and shocking.

Dan replies, “Okay.”

He gets up and doesn’t speak to Phil for two days.

There’s a news story about The Bonnie Beta Children’s Home in London. There’s no more space for all the children. Foster homes are desperately needed. Adoption not necessary but possible. Alpha-Omega pairs encouraged to apply.

A social worker comes the next day to meet Dan and Phil. She says the flat needs childproofing and they have to take three courses in child care and development. They sign a few forms and she smiles at them.

They’re getting a baby girl. Phil paints the spare room a lulling blue because that’s the color you get for betas, Dan insists. Her crib is brown and blankets are all different pastels.

They’re going to adopt her they decide. She’s six weeks old and since she was born in a hospital, they know that her mother was a beta and therefore no threat to either Dan or Phil when she gets older.

“What will her name be?”

“Mary,” Dan smiles.

“Elizabeth,” Phil adds on. “For my gran.”

“Mary Elizabeth Howell-Lester is quite a mouthful but she’ll handle it. Yes, she will.”

The social worker stamps the paperwork with happiness. The blue-eyed brunette seems fascinated with her new father, almost as much as he is with her.

There are things Dan loves in the world. He loves his work, his viewers and being able to sleep through the night. He loves his family even more though. He loves Phil and he loves his daughter. He swears she is everything. She is the two of them combined into one perfect being. He looks down at her and can’t believe she is actually his. Phil laughs but he understands. The fans are absolutely in love with the baby. Some comments say that adoption is wrong but Dan deletes it. Nothing can ruin this. Phil’s mother fawns over the child and family gatherings have become much kinder. But most importantly, Dan has everything he needs in this world; his family. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr  
> [dannihowell](https://danni-howell.tumblr.com/)


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